April 21st 2024

It’s been three years since my father’s passing. There are many days that go by and I don’t think of him. It is really no different than when he was alive. I have carried on mostly the same. We are such creatures of habit. But today isn’t just another day. Actually all this week has been a slog emotionally and I think it links back to today.

It has been my experience when I study grief that they sometimes use the framework of the stages of grief and I don’t connect with that. My mind wraps more around the emotions of grief and the muscle memory of a person. There are so many emotions you get to experience with grief and your body has memories of someone too.

That’s what it felt like happened this year. Now that the estate is mostly taken care of, this year I think I had more of an emotional and body reaction to his passing. I was exhausted for most of this week, I couldn’t get enough sleep to feel rejuvenated. There was an overall feeling of being numb to many things, I’m not normally detached from. Now looking back I can see that it was in part grief passing through my body and mind. I am hopeful it will lift soon, I have many things to do, but for right now it is okay that I am feeling this way. I will eat, sleep, and do my best with the rest. Take care of my mind and body and know that this too shall pass, like all of the other ways of emotions.

I had hoped to make it to the cemetery today, but I didn’t. I have guilt around that a little. I hope to make it there in the coming week. The weather is improving, and the grass will be green soon. He always liked spring.

Here’s to the best parts of him.  I really miss those.

JoyGenea