August 30th 2024

“I hate to tell the world this, you are only going to love your mom and dad the way you should when they are gone. I am sorry.” Garth Brooks

As it has been a while since I shared about the painting and my journey, I should share a little more about my grief process. Things have gone very well for me, and I am doing well. I still notice his absence at holidays, I still have his phone number in my phone with his photo on my favorites list right below my mom, so I see his face often. I still have about six boxes of stuff I need to deal with that I am just not sure what to do about. I have an army jacket that I just don’t want to give up. I consider this to be a good place in my grieving process. Recently I was watching Friends in Low Places season 1, episode 2  and Garth Brooks had a great quote that really said it well for what I have been feeling,

“I hate to tell the world this, you are only going to love your mom and dad the way you should when they are gone. I am sorry.” Garth Brooks

Now that all of the expectations are gone. Now that all the anger and grief over the love and life that was not shared and lived. Now it feels like I can really see the man for who he really was on so many levels. When Garth Brooks said that I broke down and cried. He is right. That is how I feel, like I have gained so much more connection to my father since his passing. Being human is complicated, because I can see and feel how my relationship with my father felt complicated and yet now it feels like what remains with me is the best of him. He was a smart, wise, responsible, and loving human being. He only wanted the best for us, and he poured all that he had into us the only way he knew how. He gave 100% of what he had in this life to God, Country, & Family. I love that his life lessons continue to arrive in my life, even after his passing. It is a warming moment when I think, “what would dad do?” or “what would dad say?” Sometimes I find some good answers in those questions and other times I find a darn good laugh.

Cheers to you Dad.

Love JoyGenea